God Told Me He Thinks Morgan Wallace's Music Sucks
"In my country, we like music, not derivative, white nationalist dog whistles."
At the end of our conversation, Larry “God” Schumway summed it up thus:
"In my country, we like music, not derivative, white nationalist dog whistles."
We had been talking at length about country music star Morgan Wallace, who made headlines for abruptly bolting at the end of an episode of SNL. Morgan was the show’s musical guest that week, and during the “good night” sequence at the end of the show, Wallen took off and later posted a picture on Instagram of his private jet on the tarmac with a caption reading, “Get me to God’s Country.”
“First of all, I don’t think anywhere in the Bible, Old Testament, or the sequels, do I ever put any kind of value on a private jet. The world I gave you is literally on fire, and so I think it’s kind of shitty to take a private jet to and from places,” God told me.
As much as he thought the private jet was “peak cringe celebrity entitlement,” it’s Wallen’s music that Schumway really can’t stand.
“I mean, don’t me wrong, he looks like he doesn’t wash his asshole and can’t find a clit with both hands a blow torch,” God said, “but his music is also atrocious, and I don’t want to lose sight of that, man.”
Schumway said he’s more a fan of “old school country.”
“The kind of stuff where the working class was fighting against the oligarchy, not fighting to enable it. Johnny Cash never licked an industrialist’s asshole. Willie Nelson never told his fans to worship money.”
God reiterated several times that his views of Wallen’s music are not politically-based.
“But his politics suck, too, if I’m being totally honest,” Schumway admitted.